I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
