Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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