i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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