I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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