Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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