DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
