I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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