On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
