im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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