my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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