one two three fourrrrnication!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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