I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
now i know why i became what i already was.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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