More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
