All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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