Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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