Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
