My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
