I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
