I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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