oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
