Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
