12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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