Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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