So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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