Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
