I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
