Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize