I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
