Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize