I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
