I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
