just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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