my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude. I can hear the air.
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