I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize