remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
