please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
