it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
