Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
