If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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