just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
