so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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