dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize