theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
