Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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