there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
