11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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