She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
