why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
