I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
