Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
