you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
