You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
