i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
