Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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