Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
