Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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