THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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