sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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