Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
