I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
