Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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