At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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