then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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