You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
