Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
