Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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