Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
