i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
