i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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