She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we're making bets on your personal life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
