One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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